The Great Texas BBQ: Longhorns Roast Wolverines in Fort Worth
FORT WORTH — If you tuned into the Regional 3 championship expecting a heavyweight bout between top seeds, I hope you kept the receipt. Top-seeded Texas didn't just beat Michigan 77-41; they treated them like a scrimmage squad that accidentally wandered onto the wrong court.
The Longhorns are headed to their second straight Final Four, and if they keep playing like this, the NCAA might need to check if they’re allowed to bring actual cattle onto the hardwood.
The "First Quarter Perfection" (And the Mid-Game Nap)
Texas started the game shooting 11-of-12 in the first quarter. That’s not a basketball stat; that’s a "playing-against-your-toddler-nephew" stat. They missed exactly one shot. One. I’ve missed more shots trying to throw a crumpled receipt into a trash can from three feet away.
Then, things got weird. In the second quarter, the Longhorns decided to test the structural integrity of the rim, missing 12 of their first 14 shots. Luckily for them, Michigan was busy having an even more profound existential crisis, shooting a dismal 22.8% for the game. At one point, the Wolverines missed 10 straight shots while Texas was in a scoring drought. It was like a competition to see who could offend James Naismith the most.
Booker’s World, We’re Just Paying Rent
Madison Booker (19 points, 7 rebounds) was the Regional MVP and played like she had a dinner reservation she didn’t want to miss. She sat out the entire fourth quarter because, by that point, the lead had ballooned to 40 points.
Meanwhile, Rori Harmon was out there playing Madden with real people, dishing out 13 assists. She had more helpers than a suburban grocery store on a Saturday morning. When she wasn't passing, she was spearheading a defense that turned the Michigan duo of Olivia Olson and Syla Swords into a combined 5-of-28 from the field.
The "Wild" Justice & The Post Party
While Michigan’s coach Kim Barnes Arico felt "OK" when the lead cut to 11 in the third, Texas responded by going on a run that can only be described as "unsportsmanlike." Justice Carlton (15 points) and Kyla Oldacre (12 points, 11 rebounds) decided the paint was their personal property. They grabbed offensive rebounds like they were snatching the last designer bag at a Black Friday sale.
The Verdict
Texas has won its four tournament games by an average of 35.5 points. They aren't just winning; they are erasing people from the bracket.
Up Next: A trip to Phoenix for a Friday night showdown against UCLA. It’s a #1 vs #1 rematch of the only team to beat the Bruins this year. If Texas shoots 11-of-12 in the first quarter again, the Bruins might want to just stay by the hotel pool.
Will the Longhorns keep the stampede going all the way to a trophy, or will the desert heat finally cool them down?
