LSU’s "Cupcake Hangover": Tigers 0-2 in
Welcome to life in the SEC, where "almost" winning is just a polite way of saying you lost.
If you ask the optimists in Baton Rouge, LSU is two possessions away from a perfect season. Two! A Tonie Morgan 3-pointer here, a missed foot-out-of-bounds call there, and we are talking about another undefeated juggernaut.
Instead? The Tigers are 0-2 in conference play, losing to Kentucky and Vanderbilt, and Kim Mulkey is currently giving the "disappointed mother" stare on the sideline. And we all know that stare. It can melt steel beams.
Let’s break down how LSU went from "Unstoppable Force" to "Wait, We Have to Box Out?" in the span of a week.
The "Cupcake" Reality Check
LSU started 14-0. They looked like the Monstars from Space Jam playing against a local YMCA team. But here is the thing about eating cupcakes for two months: eventually, you get a stomach ache.
Mulkey’s non-conference schedule (ranked 297th, or roughly the same difficulty as a gentle walk in the park) did not prepare the Tigers for actual resistance. Now, the bill has come due, and the SEC is collecting with interest.
Rebounding: The "We Can Just Jump High" Strategy Failed
For four years, LSU’s strategy has been simple: "We are more athletic than you, so we will just jump over you."
It turns out, that doesn't work when the other team is taller than you. Kentucky (with trees like 6-5 Clara Strack) and Vanderbilt absolutely bullied the Tigers on the glass. Vandy grabbed 14 offensive rebounds. That isn't a basketball stat; that is a crime scene.
Mulkey watched her team stand around watching the ball like they were at an art gallery. "We think we’re just going to go in there and out-jump somebody," she said. "You’re not going to do that in this league."
Narrator: They did not, in fact, do that.
The Missing Persons Report: Flau’jae Johnson
We need to talk about Flau’jae. Against Kentucky, she played 38 minutes and grabbed one rebound. One. I have grabbed one rebound in an SEC game, and I was sitting on my couch eating nachos.
Then came Vanderbilt. She hurt her ankle, got taped up, and proceeded to play 19 minutes of cardio. She went scoreless. She looked like a decoy out there, watching MiLaysia Fulwiley and Mikaylah Williams do all the work. LSU was a minus-12 with her on the floor.
Mulkey wants to give her grace because of the injury ("I would love to make an excuse for Flau’jae"), but the Tigers don't have time for excuses. They need their senior leader to actually, you know, lead.
The Layup Line Nightmares
MiLaysia Fulwiley has the best handles in the country. She can cross you over, spin, and get to the rim before you even realize she has the ball. It is poetry in motion.
The problem? The poem ends with a "clank."
Fulwiley missed five layups against Kentucky and four against Vanderbilt. That is nine missed layups. If she makes half of those, LSU is probably 2-0 and I am writing a story about how unstoppable they are. Instead, the rim has become the best defender in the SEC.
The Bottom Line: It’s About to Get Scary
Mulkey dropped the hammer after the loss: "We’re not tough enough." Ouch.
And here is the bad news: The schedule is about to get mean. LSU has to go to Georgia (who only has one loss), and then they face No. 2 Texas and No. 5 Oklahoma.
If the Tigers don't find that "toughness" Mulkey is talking about—and maybe learn to box out occasionally—this 0-2 start is going to look like the "good old days" very soon.
