The Mystics’ Grand Theft UCLA (and Other Draft Night Shenanigans)
Listen up, hoop heads! If you heard a loud "Bruin" sound coming from the direction of Brooklyn on Monday night, it wasn't a bear escaping the zoo—it was the UCLA Bruins taking over the 2026 WNBA Draft. In a historic display of "we’re better than you," UCLA saw six players drafted, effectively turning the WNBA into a Westwood alumni association meeting.
Leading the charge into the professional sunset were the Washington Mystics, who looked at the UCLA roster and apparently said, "We'll take the whole thing, please."
Washington Mystics: The "A+" Overachievers
After two seasons of play so mediocre it bordered on performance art (16-28 in 2025 and 14-26 in 2024), the Mystics decided to actually try winning again. Despite firing GM Jamila Wideman just a week ago—a move with the timing of a fire drill during a final exam—Coach Sydney Johnson absolutely crushed it.
The Haul: Center Lauren Betts (No. 4) and forward Angela Dugalic (No. 9). These two just won a national title together on April 5th, and now they’re moving to D.C. to save a franchise that hasn't seen a second round since 2019.
The Vibe: Washington also grabbed Cotie McMahon (No. 11), who is basically a human bulldozer. Combine them with last year's All-Stars Sonia Citron and Kiki Iriafen, and the Mystics suddenly have a young core so talented it’s almost offensive.
The "Better Luck Next Year" Trophies (Grades & Gaffes)
Team Grade The Skinny
Dallas Wings A- Took Azzi Fudd at No. 1. Fudd, Paige Bueckers, and Arike Ogunbowale in the same backcourt? That’s not a basketball team; that’s a perimeter-shooting cheat code.
Minnesota Lynx B Swiped Olivia Miles at No. 2. She’s been compared to Chelsea Gray, which is like being compared to a wizard, only with better bounce passes.
Seattle Storm B Drafted Awa Fam Thiam (No. 3) because apparently, you can never have too many 6’4” giants. They also traded for Flau'jae Johnson, adding some much-needed LSU swagger to the Pacific Northwest.
Indiana Fever B+ Snagged Raven Johnson (No. 10). She’s a defensive menace who will likely annoy opposing point guards into early retirement.
Golden State Valkyries C- They drafted fan-favorite Flau'jae Johnson at No. 8, then immediately traded her for Marta Suarez (No. 16). The confusion in the room was palpable. It’s like trading a Ferrari for a very reliable minivan—sure, the mileage is great, but everyone’s still staring at the Ferrari.
Phoenix Mercury D Drafted two 19-year-olds from Europe who are currently averaging about 5 points a game. It’s a "vision" pick, but right now, that vision looks a little blurry.
The UCLA Diaspora
It wasn’t just Washington getting in on the Bruin feast. Gabriela Jaquez went No. 5 to the Sky, Kiki Rice went No. 6 to the Toronto Tempo, and the Connecticut Sun raided the remaining locker room for Gianna Kneepkens and Charlisse Leger-Walker.
If you’re a UCLA fan, congratulations. If you’re a fan of any other college, maybe try recruiting someone over 6-foot-4 next year? Just a thought.
Sanchez Sideline Verdict: The Mystics are scary, the Wings are lethal, and the Valkyries need a better PR firm. See you on opening night!
